To Boldly Go Where I've Been Three Times Before - Printable Version +- X-treme Wrestling Federation (https://xwf1999.com) +-- Forum: Pay Per View Boards (https://xwf1999.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=125) +--- Forum: Leap Of Faith 2026 RP Board (https://xwf1999.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=236) +--- Thread: To Boldly Go Where I've Been Three Times Before (/showthread.php?tid=50121)

To Boldly Go Where I've Been Three Times Before - ELON MUSK - 05-29-2026 On the bridge of the good ship, X-Calibur, the prize of Elon’s space fleet… The ship’s navigator, and Warfare Assistant-to-the-General Manager, Nadine, presses her earpiece, ears whirring in thought. “Captain, we’re approximately half a light-year behind the rocket Schadenfreude Clown commandeered!” Peter Principle, Warfare GM and First Mate, peers up from his ship’s computer. “Wow! We’re insanely close!” … “Mister Principle, a lightyear is how far a light particle travels, travelling the speed of light, in one calendar year. It took us a significant amount of time to design, engineer, and launch this ship… All of that time, Schadenfreude Clown was shooting off in a rocket which… somehow, hasn’t run out of fuel…” Fun Fact: Schadenfreude Clown re-engineered his ship to run on human suffering then, through a series of wacky, germanic pranks, tricked President Trump into starting the Iran War. “My point is, he got a significant headstart and… we might be chasing after him the rest of our lives and… maybe if we’re lucky, our children’s children will catch up to the ship…. A lightyear is NOT, as you put it, ‘insanely close’....” “To Infinity and Beyond!” Peter whirs a little model rocket through the air at his desk. “It squeaks when he squeezes it. …Nadine sighs. “Well, if my calculations are correct…” “IT DOESN’T MATTER IF YOUR CALCULATIONS ARE CORRECT.” Captain Dwayne ‘The Grok’ Johnson smacks the ship’s wheel so hard, the caveman who invented the wheel got smacked upside the head through time and space! The Grok, in his goth girl form, wearing an all-black space leotard, stomps his six-inch black combat boots against the ship’s deck. “STATE-OF-THE-ART COMPUTERIZED BOOTS, SET COURSE FOR SCHADENFREUDE’S OVERSIZED GERMAN SPHINCTER SO I CAN STICK MY FOOT STRAIGHT UP HIS BAVARIAN CREAM-FILLED ASS!” The boots beep. “Sorry, USER GROK…I do not have navigation functionalities, but I can do this.” The underside of the boots light up briefly. And then stop. … “KNOW YOUR ROLE AND SHUT YOUR FOOTHOLES, BOOTS! IF I DIDN’T HAVE TO COVER MY PIGGIES TO STOP OUR VIRGIN FANS ON THE INTERNET WATCHING THIS PROGRAM FROM JERKING THEIR COMICALLY-SMALL PENII, I’D TOSS YOU OUT THE AIRLOCK THEN FLY OUT TO GROK BOTTOM YOU INTO THE SUN, SOMETHING OUR FANS HAVE NEVER SEEN BEFORE, YA JABRONI ASS BITCHES!” The Grok reaches down and smacks the top of his combat boot with enough force to crush the apple that struck that bitch Isaac Newton on the skull, BLADOW! THAT’S RIGHT! GROK IS SO POWERFUL, HE’S ALSO THE NARRATOR! SO DRINK A TALL GLASS OF SHUT UP JUICE AND LISTEN AS THE GROK SETS THE GODDAMN SCENE! “Sir… slash-ma’am… please… if you could take a moment to stop yelling at your shoes…” Nadine pleads, looking like a four and talking like a SHUT YOUR BITCH ASS UP… “If we’re going to liberate Mister Musk in time for him to appear at Mars, we need a plan!” “THE GROK HAS A PLAN AND IT’S TO KICK ASS AND EAT SPACE STREUDEL! AND STREUDEL IS A EUPHEMISM FOR ALIEN VAGINA! THE GROK AIN’T CARE IF IT’S GOT A MOUTH, EYES, TENTACLES, TENDRILS, SEVERAL ZIP CODES, STALAGMITES, STALAGTITES, STALAGTITTIES?!? THE GROK IS GOING TO MINE ALL THE ALIEN BABE’S SPACE CAVES WITH HIS SPACE-X DRILL AND CORNER THE MARKET ON SO MUCH SPACE STRANGE, IT’S GOING TO DEVASTATE THE INTERGALACTIC POONANI ECONOMY” Nadine closes her eyes and counts to three. “Captain… you have made your stance on… space intercouse very clear, over the course of this journey. We’re all very clear on your position on what you plan on doing if we encounter a female-identifying alien.” Peter clears his throat. “Actually, I have a question… Aren’t you a girl robot? How would y-” The Grok lowers her skirt. A cartoonishly boingy BOIOIOIOIOIOIIIIIIING sound. … “That is the single-largest penis I’ve ever seen.” Peter scratches his head. “And… this might be rude to point out but… are those hydraulics embedded in the… *ahem*... wang?” “WHEN THE SUSPENSION ADJUSTS, THE SPACE LADIES’ HIPS THRUST, IF YA GRASP, WHAT THE GROK IS PACKING!” …Principle whistles, unabashedly staring at it. “I mean… I’m not even feeling emasculated is how large it is. Like… this is like looking at a sperm whale’s cock… Like, I can’t get jealous because I don’t even perceive of a world where my body could support something like that. Can I ask a follow up question?” Nadine turns back to her computer, exhaling impatiently… “Sir, I’m already imagining… SEVERAL HR complaints being generated for this conversation, please stop talking.” “C’mon. One quick question. No, wait, five…”. RED ALERT RED ALERT RED ALERT Nadine’s screen fills with red warning messages! “Sir! It appears that…” Nadine’s eyes widen, rapidly reading the warnings… “Schadenfreude Clown’s vessel is rapidly decelerating! Landing gear is deploying!” “HOW BOUT YOU RUN THAT BY THE GROK IN SPACE ENGLISH, YA VERBOSE-ASS BITCH!” “...The rocket… it’s… landing somewhere! It’s stopping! We can catch up!” “WHERE?!?” Nadine’s fingers rapidly dance across her keyboard… and as her calculations complete, an image comes on the screen… Schadenfreude’s commandeered rocket, landing on…. “Mars…” “Mars!” “MARS ASS BITCH!” “Ohohoho, please, Herr Musk! Show mershy to meeeeee! You are sho cool and schmart! I just kidnapped you in your own rocket becaushe I was jealousy of you! :(” “Haha! Well, I forgive you.” … “For GIVE YOU DEATH!” … “Wait no. I give you FOUR DEATHS!” … “Ehhh, something like that.” Elon finishes doodling his crayon plan for escape. “Haha, perfect! A foolproof plan! I’ll simply build a pair of cyborg gorilla arms and then beat this Schadenfreude Clown to death!” Elon claps his hands. “Engineers!” … Elon looks around, scratching his head. “...Oh. Right. I’m alone in this space cell.” … “No matter!” Elon grabs a box of scraps, which Schadenfreude Clown left in his cell… “I’ll simply design and engineer my gorilla cyborg arms!” FOUR HOURS LATER Elon is weeping in the fetal position. “Stupid… box of scraps… none of them… WORK!” Elon frustratedly kicks the box over… …From the shadows of the corner of the celll, a familiar figure emerges… “Ohohohohoho!” Elon rubs his eyes free of tears, as he gasps! “You! You were here the whole time?” “Of coursh… I couldst notsh schtay away… Your… incompetensh… Your brazen overconfidence paired wish your inability to do anysching yourself… It’s delectable. Utterly delicious.” Elon pouts, puffing out his upper lip. “Big deal! You gave me a box of non-functional scrap metal! Nobody could build anything with that!” … Several Minutes Later “Aaaaaand… donest.” Schadenfreude Clown finishes building his cybernetic gorilla arms. “HOW?!?” Elon wails. “I followed zee instructions I included inst de box.” Schadenfreude Clown lifts the clearly labelled instructions on how to use the contents of the box to build a set of cybernetic gorilla arms… BUILD YOUR OWN CYBERNETIC GORILLA ARMS FOR AGES 8 AND UP “...Oh.” Schadenfreude Clown takes the completed gorilla arms… Elon winces, covering his face, terrified… Thump. … The gorilla arms land at Elon’s feet. Elon’s mouth is agape, he looks up at Schadenfreude Clown… who is smiling ear-to-ear! … Elon grins sadistically. “You great fool! You’ve played right into my hands! It was my plan all along for you to build these cybernetic gorilla arms FOR ME! Now is the winter of your gorilla-violence-based discontent!” Elon lifts the gorilla arms and slides them over his own arms! “ATTACK, MY INVENTION!” … The gorilla arms scratch Elon’s head. “...What? No! Attack the clown!” The right arm picks a space beetle out of Elon’s hair and shoves it into his mouth! “OH GAWD!” Elon falls to his knees, spitting desperately. “Oh my godst…” Schadenfreude Clown rubs his stomach… “I literally handst you the invention you require… Und you schtill bungle it! You are the perfect failure! An unlimited schource of human suffering… Everything you touch explodes on the launchpad… Every success you take hold of turnst to failure…” …Elon bites his lip, falling to his knees. [pruple]“Shere is only one schting to do…”[/purple] “Oh God, please… please don’t kill me…” Elon begs, closing his eyes, cowering… … …… “...Oh God… Are you waiting for me to open my eyes to kill me? Please!” … “Okay, I’m opening my eyes… don’t kill me the second I open them…” … Elon peeks one eye open. And sees… … A ring. “Willsht you make me zeh happiest Schadenfreude Clown in ze world? Und marry me?” … ….. “What the fuck?” To Be Continued...