The camera pulls back, showing us the words are written on poster board taped to a wall. Main Event MC EC sits proudly at a folding table in the studio of "Akron Community Access Channel 17." Behind him hangs a green screen displaying a slightly blurry photograph of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. An elderly lady sits next to him. 

Host: Welcome back to "Good Morning, Akron!" I'm joined now by a local professional wrestler...

MEMC EC: That's MAIN EVENT professional wrestler.

Host: Yes, MC Edgecrusher, who apparently has a wrestling bout this week.

MEMC Edgecrusher pulls a pair of sunglasses out of his pocket and puts them on as he speaks.

MEMC EC: Not a bout, Linda, a MAIN EVENT MATCH!

Host: My name's Carol.

MEMC EC: That's what I said, Gladys.

She looks down at her notes.

Carol: It says here you're facing Mister Ounce in something called a Gauntlet Match?

Main Event MC Edgecrusher waves her off dismissively.

MEMC EC: I'm not here to talk about my opponent, Dr. Oz. That guy is just trying to use me to further his political career, so I won't give him what he wants. Instead, I'm here to talk about what everybody in America really wants to hear about... ME!

Carol: We're only broadcast in Summit County.

MEMC EC: And that's where it all starts! Word Life.






The sign is now taped to the front of a table inside a mostly empty bowling alley. Another handwritten sign is taped beside it.




An oily-faced teenager looks at the sign.

Teen: Wouldn't buying them separately be fifty-five?

MEMC Edgecrusher looks at his sign.

MEMC EC: Main Event prices, dawg.

The teen laughs and walks away as MEMC EC calls out to him.

MEMC EC: I'LL DO FORTY!

The kid keeps walking.

MEMC EC: Thirty-five and I'll follow you on MySpace!






A flashbulb lights up Big Al's Quality Pre-Owned Kia of Mentor. Main Event MC Edgecrusher poses in front of a hard-ridden Kia. 

Salesman: We're very excited to have a pro wrestling superstar here at Big Al's, where we sell only the finest quality pre-owned vehicles.

MEMC EC: Main Event superstar.

Salesman: Right. 

Then MC Edgecrusher...

MEMC EC: Main Event.

Then Main Event MC Edgecrusher runs his hand over the hood of the car. Chips of paint flake off into his palm.

MEMC EC: This the kinda ride you hook thug celebrities up with?

Salesman: That's a 2014 Kia Optima. Only 500k miles. Runs like a dream.

MEMC EC nods.

MEMC EC: Leather?

Salesman: Cloth.

MEMC EC: Sunroof?

Salesman: No.

MEMC EC: Bluetooth?

Salesman: Sometimes.

The Edgecrusher looks impressed.

MEMC EC: I'll have my people call your people.

Salesman: You came alone.

MEMC EC: They busy.






Another autograph table. This time, it's inside a mostly empty laundromat. Main Event MC Edgecrusher checks his watch. A woman carrying a basket of towels enters the building and approaches. The Edgecrusher grabs his trusted Sharpie.

MEMC EC: Who do I make this out to?

She walks past him and puts her towels into the dryer directly behind him. MEMC EC puts the cap back on his Sharpie and turns toward the lady.

MEMC EC: Ten bucks and I'll watch your dryer for you, make sure nobody messes with your towels.

Lady: No thanks, I'm sure they'll be fine.

The Edgecrusher starts to turn back but stops.

MEMC EC: Five bucks, I'll fold your towels.

Lady: No thanks, I'll be okay doing it myself.

She makes sure to find a seat as far away from the Main Eventer as possible.

MEMC EC: Hope she gets static cling.






Another TV studio, this one somehow cheaper looking than the first. A banner across the wall reads:


The host, a balding middle-aged man in a cheap gray suit, looks directly into the camera.

Host: We're back with XWF wrestler MC Edgecrusher. Edgecrusher, Mister Oz...

MEMC EC: It's Main Event MC Edgecrusher. And before we get into all that, Chuck, I wanna announce that Main Event MC Edgecrusher is currently accepting endorsement opportunities. Shirts. Shoes. Energy drinks. Condoms. Breakfast cereals. Male enhancement. Female enhancement. I don't discriminate as long as the checks clear.

Steve: Have you actually prepared for your match against Mr. Oz?

The Edgecrusher just stares at him.

MEMC EC: I've been busy doing media all week.

Steve: That's not training.

MEMC EC: Tell that to The Rock!

Steve: You're not The Rock.

MEMC EC: Not with that attitude.






Nighttime, minutes before the start of Anarchy. MEMC Edgecrusher steps out of his rented limousine. The limousine is an ancient model that has seen better days. It was most commonly used to shuttle teens to and from prom and comes complete with mystery stains on the seats. He is on his cellphone pretending to talk to somebody important.

MEMC EC: Naw, naw, naw. Tell 'em I can't, dawg. I'm booked solid all month.

He listens.

MEMC EC: I understand it's important. You'll just have to tell that Make-A-Wish kid he's gonna have to wait a little longer.

He listens again.

MEMC EC: Tell them MAIN EVENT EC has obligations.

He pretends to hang up as a homeless man with a toy microphone runs up to him and questions him like a journalist.

Homeless Reporter: MAIN EVENT! MAIN EVENT! Over here!

Main Event MC Edgecrusher turns with a fake look of surprise.

Homeless Reporter: Any words about Mister Oz before your first XWF main event?

The Edgecrusher freezes.

MEMC EC: Wait... I didn't pay you to say that. Who?

Homeless Reporter: Your opponent, in that main event...

Still no response from the Main Eventer.

Homeless Reporter: The main event match tonight.

MEMC EC: Tonight?

Homeless Reporter: Tonight.

MEMC EC: And where is the show?

Homeless Reporter: Chicago.

MEMC EC: And we are...

Homeless Reporter: ...in Ohio.

MEMC EC: OH SHIT. DRIVER!

The Edgecrusher spins back toward his limo just as it starts to pull away.

MEMC EC: YO! WAIT, DAWG! I STILL GOT TWENTY MINUTES LEFT ON THAT RENTAL!

The limo vanishes around the corner as the Edgecrusher gives a half-hearted jog after it. He stops in the middle of the street and bends over, hands on his knees, already winded. The homeless man cautiously approaches him.

Homeless Reporter: So... Mister Oz?

The Edgecrusher struggles to catch his breath. He raises a single finger.

MEMC EC: Dr. Oz...

He takes a deep breath.

MEMC EC: ...is about to learn...

Another deep breath.

MEMC EC: ...why they call me...

He wheezes.

MEMC EC: ...Main Event.

The Edgecrusher looks around.

MEMC EC: Which way is Ohio?

The homeless man randomly points down the road.

Homeless Reporter: That way?

Main Event MC Edgecrusher starts jogging in that direction but stops and turns back to the homeless man.

MEMC EC: You want an autograph?

Homeless Reporter: No, I want the money you said you would pay me.

The scene fades out as the homeless man begins chasing after the already exhausted Edgecrusher, wanting his money.