“Why do I have to drink a Virgin Shirly Temple again? I’m 62 years old!” Matty grouses, looking disdainfully at his glass.

The shot swings over to Kristoffer Arroyo, who replies, “Because you still look 12. We’ve been over this like a million times. Anyway, as you were saying?”

The shot cuts to the third person at the table, who is…..

….Charlie Sheen?!

“Man, when I heard you were booked in an acting challenge, I just knew we had to touch base!” Charlie enthuses. “I can help you out, bro!”

“Aren’t you just going to punch that stupid clown in the face?”

“Oh, sure, Kris could do that. But where’s the gravitas? The drama? The pathos!”

“Charlie do you even know what pathos means?”

Charlie mocks looking offended. “And here I was going to impart to you the secret to acting superstardom.”

“I could just MAKE you tell me.”

“How boorish!” Charlie takes a hefty gulp of his adult beverage, downing it in one go.

“Damn!” Matty marvels at Charlie’s drinking prowess.

Kris sighs. “Okay, so how do I beat this stupid clown at acting?”

“Kris, you don’t need to act! You’re a real actual vampire! Duh!”

“Ah, ah, ah. Sometimes it’s not enough to just BE a thing. You need to represent the entirety of that thing. You need to be a conduit for all of vampire….uhhhh…..vampiredom.”

“And how do I do that?”

“I’ll tell you….as soon as I get done visiting the little boys room. Excuse me gentlemen!” Charlie gets up and heads away from the table.

Matty turns to Kris. “He’s going to do coke, isn’t he?”

“Most definitely.”

“Why did you make him a thrall again?”

“Not all of my decisions are good ones. Or sober ones, for that matter.”

“Huh.” Matty takes a sip of his drink. “You know this is bullshit, right? Why aren’t you pissed off?”

“About what?”

Matty rolls his eyes in frustration. “EVERYTHING! This Big Dick Licker guy is punishing you, Kris! First he makes you tag with the guy who beat you for the Anarchy Title. And now he books you in a joke match?!” Matty shoots Kris a sidelong glance. “You want me to kill Big Dick?”

Kris pretends to ponder that offer. “Hmmmm. As sure as I am that it would do wonders for my career for my ward to murder my boss in cold blood, I think I’m gonna pass.”

“He’s disrespecting you though!”

“I’m not sure that’s what he’s doing, Matty.”

“Then…what?!”

“He’s challenging me. He’s testing me to see how I respond to a downturn.”

“Do tell.”

“I think Dick Lichter actually likes me, and that’s why he’s doing this. He wants to see if I’ll grin and bear it or throw a tantrum and quit. The latter is not an option, and the former shows that I’m a loyalist that he can bank on and trust for future opportunities.”

“A company man, eh?”

“Something like that. But yeah. It’s not like he sees me as being on par with the clowns. Hell, he knows just as well as I do that they’re just another patented XWF gag that will run its course as soon as management grows bored of them. Just like “Cavortin’” Jake Borden, and Darren Dangerous. I mean, when’s the last time we heard from those guys?

“A long time ago?”

“Exactly. Just schtick that ran its course and stopped being funny. I’m built to last. The clowns already have one foot in their “relevance grave.” But I’ll play along. For now. Because I understand how to play the long game. This match or….whatever….is just a stepping stone. An affirmation that “yes, Dick, I know what you’re doing and why you’re doing it.”

“But what if you’re wrong, Kris? What if Lichter is sabotaging you because you lost the Anarchy Championship?”

“He wouldn’t have teamed me with Graves if that was the case. In fact, I think he sees something there, between me and Michael. And oddly enough, I do too.”

“Wait, seriously?!”

Kris shrugs. “We made a good team.” He takes a sip from the glass of wine in front of him. “But anyway, that’s not to say this contest isn’t important in its own way. I still have to win. No one will take me seriously ever again otherwise. And that’s why I’ve got this in the bag. Motivation. If I lose I might as well light my ring gear on fire. The damage to my career, my spot, would be immeasurable. But if the clown loses? Well, he’s a friggin’ clown. And he’s on borrowed time anyway. Piss in the wind.”

“Hey, hey, hey!” Charlie announces as he arrives back at the table. “Talkin’ strategy are we?” He sits down, and naturally one of his nostrils is rimmed with cocaine.

Kris subtly touches the side of his nose, and it takes Charlie a few moments to get it, but get it he does. He blows his nose into a napkin. Kris and Matty both scowl in reply.

“Shit, there goes twenty bucks.” Charlie starts. “Hey did I ever tell you guys I ran into that Pennyfarting guy before?”

Kris quirks an eyebrow. “You did not.”

“Oh yeah. He was an understudy when I starred in Othello. I played the black guy. You know, before that shit got you cancelled. What was that character’s name again…?”

“Uhhhh….Othello?”

“Yeah, that was the name of the play, dumb dumb! I’m talking about the character I played.”

“Ugh, nevermind, just tell me about Pennyfarthing.”

“Yeah, give us the dirt!”

“Oh, no dirt. Guy’s a consummate professional! Loved him!”

“Huh. So I guess we’re not above sucking up to the special guest referee then?”

“Drink your girly drink and hush.” Kris scoffs.

“Can you guys spot me for this? I dropped my last hundo on the booger sugar.”

Kris sighs and fetches his wallet.