OOC: Unfortunately, we weren’t able to coordinate to finish our roleplay in time for the deadline, but this is the trash talk promo I had written.

Clowns R’ Us 2000 are paper champions. On paper, they tell you exactly who and what they are. In reality, they managed to take what Charles and I busted our arses to earn. We traveled to fucking Mars only to have those charlatan circus performers steal what is rightfully ours. But that was then. Since then, I’ve been working. Along with my partner, I earned a shot at another tag title in UGWC. I did it by beating a current champion and once again beating my brother Sebastian. If he can survive his defense against Graves, I’d say we aren’t done yet. He has something I want. First, though, I have unfinished business, not just with the Clowns, but with Remi Storm. 

It’s no secret that my singles record has been spotty at best in the past few months. Remi is one of those who beat me one on one. I’d like to see the look on her face when I’m the one with my hand raised, regaining the XWF tag team titles with my chosen brother Charlie Nickles and she is left losing yet another title match. I can almost taste it. 

To be blunt, I am the tag division. Here, in the Coalition and anywhere else I choose to deem worthy of my time. All that I touch turns to gold. It’s why they put my face front and center on the Bad Medicine poster. I understand that they felt the need to airbrush my scar out. It’s a defining feature, but it’s something I’m willing to accept knowing that management believes in me and my ability to steal the show and regain the tag team championships. 

The clowns love to mock, to cosplay as others, because they have no personality of their own. They can’t even stick to two clowns as champions. Surely we’ll see Astronaut and Houston clown again after their big victory, right? After all, they are the tag team champions. Nope. We get Southern Gentleman Detective Clown and Noir Clown. But they as a collective are simply sight gags and one-liners to get a laugh. There is no substance to be found. 

They love to mock my Director persona. To insinuate that I had something to do with the injuries to Jennie Nickles and manipulate the Charlie Nickles is…honestly flattering. Because regardless of whether or not any of it is true, they are giving me credit for doing something no one else could do. Think about it. Jennie Nichols, the Scarlet Verdict, who went to prison for murdering several men. Jennie, a dangerous woman who also had success in our business for a brief time. If I took her out? Just imagine how dangerous that makes me. 

Then there’s her brother, the great Nickleman, who’s a grand slam champion in XWF, a future Legend. The man who let’s not forget, reduced Peter Principle to his personal puppet, terrorized the entire company for months. A vicious pit bull of a man who even the greatest of XWF stars fears is now my lap dog? I may laugh at the thought but yet, that means I did what no one else could and played 3D chess to manipulate the greatest manipulator the XWF has ever seen. Does that not prove I am the Director? I am in charge and I make the impossible happen? Believe what you want, but my reputation precedes me.

Let’s shift focus to the other “team” involved in this contest. We have Remington Storm, who unfortunately holds a win over me. She says she hates my face. She admires people like Rowan Vance, an inexperienced child who has done nothing in this business. She’s disgusted by me and, in turn, my brother. The irony of that coming from someone who looks like someone asked Stevie Wonder to draw Jenny Myst from memory. She looks like she went in for a Brazilian wax and they couldn’t tell which end, which set of lips to wax because not only was the mug that ugly, but the amount of natural hair was about the same. See, two can play at that game, Remi.

Congratulations on winning the Television championship. You beat Bobby Bourbon and if the year wasn’t 2026, that might have been impressive. See, ol’ Bobby, that bastard, hasn’t been the same since his tongue injury. Since he left Thunder Knuckles alone to defend the Anarchy tag titles against me and Thirty-six. See, Thunder Knuckles was supposed to have a mystery partner, but since he has no friends, he stepped up to us alone and we freed Anarchy from TK, maybe forever. Bobby talks a lot of shit, but ultimately, he gets in his own way. Notice that I’m speaking more about him than you right now, Remi? It’s because with you there isn’t much to report. You beat Bobby and then you promptly lost the title to Korvayne. 

While she’s worried about her other match at Bad Medicine, facing Charles and Sam Dyson, who is looking unstoppable, do you really think you can count on her? She took your title. Are you going to let her get away with that? 

And then there’s you, Julia. Congratulations on your TV title win. It’s too bad you’re going to lose it to Charlie. Speaking of which, you’re still bitter about that little stunt that I orchestrated when you teamed up with Charlie against the Exiles, aren’t you? Did you really think he liked you? Did you think you could trust him not to stab you in the back the moment it became advantageous? You have your simps, but I’m starting to believe that is actually short for simpletons and you are the biggest of them all. How delightfully naive it was of you to think that you could just waltz into a tag title opportunity and…oh, I guess here we are. You have the opportunity to team with someone you don’t trust or like. Sound familiar? I suppose the result will be the same then. You not winning and me walking out as a two-team XWF tag team champion.