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Vita Frickin Valenteen · (10-07-2026)

We open to a lantern-lit tour, right around the time Vita Valenteen realizes this might've been a terrible idea.

Not the ghost tour itself, that was actually pretty cool.

The promotion.

Some genius at XWF had apparently Googled "things to do in Providence," saw ghosts, saw Vita, and decided the vampire should go mingle with the dead to promote Anarchy to a group of less than 20...

So here she was, mid-tour before even being introduced.

"And tonight we have a very special guest joining us! XWF superstar, vampire, and this month's Cryptid Issues cover girl, Vita Valenteen!"

"Totally could've stopped after XWF superstar..."

The guide held up a small stack.

Copies made their way around the group.

A woman read from the cover: "Vampires demand night-shift protections after mandatory 8AM meetings."

"Yah, that's a real problem. I recently requested a Sundown Saloon Brawl at work and you know what they gave me? A regular day time Saloon Brawl!"

One guy found Vita's headline.

"Shocking revelations from Vita Valenteen. What'd you reveal?"

"That I don't like garlic bread."

A couple of odd glances, but nobody said anything and the tour kept moving.

A few minutes later, another guy found the Anarchy advertisement inside.

"Oh! You're fighting Mercy next week!"

"Yep."

"Isn't she the former model turned serial killer chick?"

"Yep."

"Yeah, she's really fucking awesome."

Vita was stunned.

"She murders people!"

"I know! So cool!"

"Okay..."

He flipped back to Vita's interview.

"So... you can smell blood, huh? Are we sure we're safe with her?"

Vita stopped dead.

"Are you serious?"

"What?"

"You just got excited that Mercy literally kills people, then immediately got concerned about whether I can smell blood."

"I wasn't concerned..." classic collar tug, "it just seemed like a reasonable question."

"GOD! Everybody always freaks over the vampire thing!"

She snatched the magazine from him.

"You know what? Thank you. Because I think you just helped me figure this whole Mercy thing out!

This stupid magazine exists because folks like me have to spend our whole lives convincing people we're not gonna eat them. Werewolves have to explain they're perfectly normal 28 days out of the month. Bigfoot can't get a frickin' apartment. I tell somebody what I am and the first question is always about blood."

She opened to the Anarchy advertisement.

"Mercy literally shows everybody what she is and you people STILL think she's cool?

Mercy probably LOVES it! She returned just in time for Spooky Month. Throw out some pumpkins, fake cobwebs, fun-size Snickers, and the literal real serial killer!

I'm sure that's not an accident!"

Vita shook her head and faced the ever following XWF CamDrone.

"Mercy makes sure everybody knows Mercy is crazy and Mercy hurts people and ooooooh, you'd better be afraid of Mercy!

Funny thing is, Mercy, you might've stopped modeling, but you never really stopped posing, did you? Now instead of cameras and runways, you pose with bodies and wait for everybody to tell you how terrifying you are.

I've spent years trying to get people to stop thinking that about me. I know what wanting blood feels like. I know what losing control feels like. I've done it. I've hurt people. I've had to live with it afterward.

You do it on purpose, and somehow you think that makes you tougher than me?

NO WAY!

It just makes you as spoiled as Summer Page... maybe even more so!

Why spoiled?

Because you've never had to tell yourself no!

Go watch your match with Bianca, and I know, I'm really pulling from the past here, but it's not like you have a totally recent archive of footage for me to pull from.

ANYWAY!

You had Mort Noire locked in. She was ready to quit. Match was as good as over.

But Mercy wasn't done playing with dead things.

So you let her go and worked her over some more until she was ready to tap again...

And you let her go AGAIN!

Somewhere in all that mess, you even gutted John Taffer like that kind of violence was just part of the show.

And that's why I think beating Bianca wasn't even the goal.

You might be a killer, but you lack killer instinct. You're so into hurting people that you sometimes forget you're supposed to BEAT them, and now they gave us X-Treme Rules?

You probably think that's your playground. No rules. Weapons everywhere. Nobody stopping you from doing whatever sick crap pops into your head.

Mercy, I've been in a match where the rule was literally PUT A STAKE THROUGH VITA'S HEART."

She spread her arms confidently.

"Still here!

I've been X-Treme Champion. I've been Lord of Violence. I've bled. I've burned. I've had things shoved in me that absolutely were not supposed to go there."

Someone laughed.

"Okay, phrasing... you know what I mean!"

Vita pointed back toward the camera.

"X-Treme Rules isn't an advantage for you, Mercy, it's a distraction. The more toys they give you, the worse your judgment gets.

A normal match gives you one job. X-Treme Rules gives you an entire building full of reasons to forget what that job even is.

Me?

I'm a dead thing that keeps living.

So?

I'm gonna wrestle.

I'm gonna hurt you when I have to.

And when I find the opportunity to finish you, I won't let it pass just so I can have a little fun denying Mercy mercy.

Quite the opposite, actually, because I'll be TOTALLY relieved to get the heck away from you.

That's the monstrous difference between us.

You need people to suffer.

I just need to win."

The tourist held his copy of Cryptid Issues toward her.

"Could you sign it?"

"Sure!"

Vita took the magazine, scribbled her name across the cover, then circled the words PROTECT YOUR NECK.

"Wait... are you gonna bite her?"

"Ew. No."

Vita handed the magazine back.

"But Eating Defeat has been known to cause some gnarly whiplash!"

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