Ennui Clown is lying facedown on the floor.

He sighs. As he lets out a sigh, his nose honks.

…

Dude, c’mon, get up.

Do something.

…

Ennui Clown looks up disinterestedly at the camera.

”Like what?”

I don’t know! Everyone else in this company goes on adventures! You should go on an adventure!

Ennui Clown sighs. ”I don’t know…”

Look man. I get you’re the Ennui Clown, but… maybe you’d find some motivation if you did something instead of laying on your face all-day?

”...Okay.”

Great. Awesome. Let’s do something.

”...Okay.”

…

Sigh. You’re not doing anything still!

”I can’t think of anything I want to do.”

You could do anything! That’s the beauty of this fantastical world they call the XWF!

You could… ooh, what if we do an origin story? We could go into where you came from? And what made you the Ennui Clown!

”I’ve always been the Ennui Clown…”

…Really? You came out of the fucking womb as a sad, six-foot-eight clown?

”No.”

…

”I was born at six-foot-ten.”

Wha-...you shrunk two inches over your life?

”Bad posture…” Ennui Clown sighs bitterly as he remains slumped facedown on the floor.

How the fuck were you a six-foot-ten baby?

”I could show you my birth video if you want?”

…

No. I really thought about it and let’s fucking not. I want something to happen in this fucking story but even I have standards.

”Okay…”

Oh, okay, I got it. What about… Like, a further along origin story? Like, how did you come to be employed by the XWF as a wrestler?

”I signed a contract…”

…

C’mon, it had to have been more complicated than that! You’re a giant clown! Something interesting must have happened during your signing!

”...The pen they gave me to sign the contract didn’t write at first.”

…

”But then I scribbled on the side of the page to get the ink flowing. And then it worked.”

…

Fuck’s sake, man. Like, okay, you signed a contract. HOW did you end up with an XWF contract?

”They sent it to me by email.”

...Wait, they sent it to you via email, then gave you a pen?

"I printed out the email. I don't trust email attachments..."

...Why?

"What if it falls off and isn't attached anymore?"

…

OH! OKAY! OKAY! I got it!

The stipulation this match!

The ring is going to be surrounded by ten clowns!

Let’s get into that! Who are these clowns anyway?

”Friends of mine.”

...Do they have names?

"No."

...Wait, your ten clown friends don't have names?

"No one ever gave them names..."

How's that possible?

"Their parents were greedy. They hoarded names and didn't give any to their children."

...Wait, are your ten friends related?

"Yeah..."

Are they brothers?

"No."

You just said they're related!

"They're sisters."

...

Wait, are these ten lady sister clowns?

"...Yeah."

...Goddammit, I am doing so much work to get this shit out of you.

Where did you meet ten nameless lady clown sisters?

”College.”

…College?

”Clown College.”

…

I hate this.

”Oh, could the adventure be about college?”

…Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

Like, a story from your past about clown college?

How you learned to be a clown and why you’re the clown you are today?

”...I wasn’t a clown in college.”

…You JUST said you went to Clown College!

”I did. I got a scholarship there.”

“But I majored in Victorian Literature.”

…

You majored in Victorian Literature?

”Yes.”

…Do you like Victorian Literature?

”Not really. But I majored in it for the ladies”

…You majored in Victorian Literature for the ladies?

”That's how I met the ten lady clown sisters. They gave me their numbers.”

…Ohhhhh, you devil. You hooked up with ten lady clown sisters?!?

"No. I couldn't save them into my phone because none of them had names."

...

Oh my God.

Pal.

There are broadcasting limits here, okay?

We’re running out of time. You’ve gotta do… SOMETHING in the next few minutes!

…

Oh! Talk about Centurion!

”The roman soldier?”

Your opponent! XWF Legend Centurion! You’re wrestling hm on Anarchy! Say something about how he sucks!

”That seems rude. I’ve never met him.”

…

Oh my God.

I’m in Hell.

I’m the narrator for the most boring wrestler that’s ever lived.

”I’m not boring...”

You’re so fucking boring. We’re almost out of time and nothing’s even happened!

”We talked about going on an adventure. That’s something.”

NO, IT’S NOT! It’s just talking! We still haven’t gone on any kind of adventure!

”Oh, what if we talk about my mission?”

…

Mission?

”The reason I’m here.”

You mean here in the XWF?

”On Planet Earth.”

…

Pardon me?

”Thousands of years ago, I emerged from my homeworld’s craters and rocks, a thousand-thousand lightyears away…”

…Wait, you’re a fucking alien? Why didn’t you say that!

”I offered to show you my birth video and you said no…”

…I thought… Whatever! What are you doing here, you fucking spaceclown?

”I’m here to complete my mission…”

Right, okay, your mission.

What is your mission?

”To find out my mission.”

…

What?

”My clowny people spread through the Milky Way, seeking purpose. Seeking a meaning to the fount of madness that is consciousness. A constantly dripping faucet, trickling a slow, hopeless void, bereft of purpose.”

“No objective. No goal. Simply waiting for time to pass until our bodies crumble to dust and we re-merge with our planet to be born anew…”

“But our holy texts speak of a place where we will find a reason that we exist.”

“A place where we will derive our true purpose and fulfill our destiny as a species.”

Gasp!

And that place!

It’s the XWF!?!

”I dunno.”

…

Wait, you don’t know if it’s the XWF?

”No.”

Then why the hell are you here?

”They emailed me a contract.”

…

The camera picks up the sound of the disembodied narrator walking off.

From the ground, Ennui Clown honks his nose.