The scene opens on frozen wilderness. Snow whips across the screen, nearly obscuring a Blockbuster Video glowing beneath the gray Alaskan sky. A weather-beaten banner stretches across the front:


Two figures emerge from the blizzard. The Edgecrusher wears his street-certified attire, having refused a winter coat because winter coats aren't gangsta. Snow covers his shoulders, his teeth chatter, and both hands are shoved beneath his armpits. Behind him, the kindly old Mr. Miller trudges through knee-deep snow, properly dressed in a parka, snow pants, boots, gloves and a fur-lined hat.

MC EC: Hurry up, Mr. Miller! We on a tight schedule, dawg!

Mr. Miller stops and looks around.

Mr. Miller: This doesn't look like Florida! You said we were going someplace warm.

MC EC: I said the trip was gonna be FIRE! Completely different climate description!

Mr. Miller stares blankly at the Edgecrusher.

Mr. Miller: What?

The Edgecrusher rolls his eyes, marches back and drags the poor old man behind him by the sleeve. As they enter the building, a violent gust blows through the door. A bored teenage employee sits behind the counter staring at his phone.

Teen: Welcome to Blockbuster. Can I help you find something?

Mr. Miller: What?

MC EC approaches the counter, acting very serious.

MC EC: I need the most educational movie you got about holding a grudge. I've got a grudge match against Solo Kleenex coming up, and this time I'm doing my research.

Teen: This time?

MC EC: In my last match, I may have misunderstood the assignment. I learned a valuable lesson that night.

Teen: To ask about the match rules?

MC EC: HELL NAW, DAWG! To watch the movie with the same name as the match. Duh!

The Edgecrusher looks at Mr. Miller with a “Can you believe this guy?” expression. The employee stares blankly.

Teen: We have “The Grudge.” Just so we're clear, it's a horror movie. It isn't about professional wrestling.

MC EC: Perfect!




Moments later, the Edgecrusher drops “The Grudge” on the counter.

Teen: Do you have an account with us?

MC EC: I'm a Friday-night OG.

The Edgecrusher reaches into his beard, pulls out a cracked, yellowed Blockbuster card and hands it over. The teen reluctantly scans it.

Teen: You have an outstanding late fee from 2007 for “Muppet Treasure Island.”

MC EC: Miss Piggy gangsta as fuck.

Teen: With interest, you owe... $11,634.

The Edgecrusher stares at the teen, snatches the DVD and runs toward the back.

MC EC: PUT IT ON MR. MILLER'S ACCOUNT!

Mr. Miller wakes from his standing nap.

Mr. Miller: I don't want a discount!

Luckily, the world's last Blockbuster was once Alaska's only adult cinema and cums complete with private viewing rooms. “The Grudge” plays as Mr. Miller sleeps at one end of the couch. The Edgecrusher sits at the other with a notebook on his knee. “HOW TO WIN A GRUDGE MATCH” is written across the top in Sharpie. Underneath is a list:

* Check attic
* Avoid Japanese ghost kids
* Make that weird throat noise
* DO NOT SHOWER ALONE
* Ask Salami if his house is built over a dead lady

EC pauses the movie, pulls out his phone and opens footage of his attempt to pin Korvayne: the charge, the botch and EC somehow pinning himself. He rewinds and watches her step out of the car again, and again, and again. Mr. Miller opens one eye.

Mr. Miller: Pretty girl.

The Edgecrusher nearly drops his phone.

MC EC: What? Naw! MC EC ain't looking at her like that. This is tactical research. Just like I'm getting payback on Subaru Kaleidoscope for besting me in my debut match, I gotta teach this chickenhead about the streets.

Mr. Miller: You've watched her get out of the car eleven times.

MC EC: I'm studying her footwork.

Mr. Miller: Her feet aren't in the shot.

MC EC: I'm studying her mental footwork.

Mr. Miller smiles.

Mr. Miller: She your girlfriend?

MC EC: HELL NO! Korvayne is a dangerous, violent, highly capable woman with the heart of a true gangsta, the instincts of a champion and...

The Edgecrusher catches himself.

MC EC: And... other wrestling-related characteristics.

The Edgecrusher closes the video and pulls up Tommy's number, acquired by sneaking into the XWF's HR office.

MC EC: I need an opinion from somebody from the streets. My mentor...

He presses CALL. It rings once, then goes to voicemail.

MC EC: Three hundred straight calls...

He presses CALL again.

MC EC: TOMMY! This is important! Hypothetically, if a certified gangsta notices a woman has integrity, courage, excellent bone structure...

Automated Voice: The mailbox belonging to this subscriber is full.

MC EC: ...does that count as simping?

Automated Voice: Goodbye.

The front bell rings, and a voice echoes across the store.

Voice: EDGECRUSHER!

MC EC: Sandwich Kling found me!

Perry Pennyweather stands near the checkout counter in a heavy coat. Beside him is Grandma Pennyweather, seated in a wheelchair and wrapped in blankets. She wears a neck brace and an angry scowl.

Perry: Where is he? I was told that idiot was here!

Teen: What? Who?

Perry: The Edgecrusher! He stole my debut match, then fell on my nana and put her in the hospital for a week! I'm going to kill him!

MC EC: Yo, dawg, we gotta make a tactical retreat, Mr. Miller.

Mr. Miller: What?

The Edgecrusher quietly drags Mr. Miller out through the back exit as Perry searches the store. The scene fades as the teen points toward the private viewing rooms.